Saturday, February 23, 2013

Community attitutes towards domestic violence need to change ...

Topics:? attitutudes, carlie walker, domestic violence, ingrid lester, judgement, lisa keem, murder, shame, stigma

Ligita Sternberg wrote To the Bitter End, which chronicles the life of her daughter Ingrid Lester, with the help of Margaret Marlow.
Ligita Sternberg wrote To the Bitter End, which chronicles the life of her daughter Ingrid Lester, with the help of Margaret Marlow.

OPINION: Ingrid Lester and Lisa Keem.

Two beautiful? women, one a pretty blonde and the other an attractive brunette, and it took their deaths for us to know tragic journeys, to learn their names.

Here in Australia, domestic violence cases are mostly conducted in closed court, where the media is not invited.

The worst atrocities can be dealt with there and the public will never know, as it cannot be reported by the media.

Even when domestic violence is reported in open court, we can't name the perpetrators.

We don't disclose the names because we want to protect women from the stigma of being a domestic violence victim.

That is until the unthinkable happens.

The very person who was meant to love and protect these women the most becomes the one they have to fear, to run from.

But no matter how far they go to get away, sometimes it isn't enough.

The first time we hear their names is when they are found dead.

In Lisa Keem's case, she was missing at first.

That was before her burnt body was found in northern New South Wales.

While the exact details of her last hours may never be known, her ex-husband Richard Giardina was convicted of her murder.

It is believed he killed her in the office of her Point Vernon home.

Ingrid was found dead in her home at Urraween.

She had been stabbed 43 times by Michael Kinsella, who had been promised $10,000 by her ex-husband Jim Lester to do the grisly deed.

I re-read her mother's book recounting her daughter's tragic tale through tears after my colleague Clementine Norton wrote an opinion piece about violence against women last week.

Ligita Sternberg wrote To the Bitter End, which chronicles the life of her daughter, with the help of Margaret Marlow.

How I wish we could have shared that story when Ingrid was still alive.

I wish everyone could see the photos of her when she was 18, in her wedding dress, exchanging vows with the man who would eventually hire someone to kill her.

I wish people could see how truly beautiful she was.

And Lisa Keem; in the months before she died she spoke to Chroincle journalists who did a story with her about her new pet grooming business.

She was in a high-powered position in Sydney but moved to Hervey Bay to slow things down, have a change of pace.

She told one of our journalists that life was too short to be always wearing a suit.

Not long after that, the life of this vibrant young woman, whose new business had just been celebrated in the pages of the newspaper, became front page news for all the wrong reasons.

While they both sought to live independently from their abusive husbands, it is clear neither of the women were able to live free of the fear of violence.

In the months leading up to her death, Ingrid had heard rumours about her husband trying to pay someone to kill her.

Her mother told her to come stay with her for a while, but Ingrid chose to try to remain independent.

Many people will say that was the wrong choice.

I think it was an incredibly brave choice.

Lisa also couldn't shake the fear of her ex-husband.

The day before she was murdered, she told her mother, Rosie Foster, who gave birth to Lisa when she was 16, that she had read her stars and they had predicted "an old flame" would turn up.

Her mother told the Courier Mail how scared her daughter was of the man who would become her murderer.

But she too had asserted her independence.

Perhaps that was what angered these men the most.

It's the reasons these cases must remain behind closed doors that has to change - the shame and burden of being named a domestic violence victim and the judgement that goes with a decision to remain in a violent relationship - the lack of support and help for a woman that wants to break free.

And let's not forget that both Lisa Keem and Ingrid Lester had left their husbands when the ultimate violence was done to them.

I wish that we could open the doors wide open instead of closing them from public view.

But unfortunately the attitudes of society still have to change tremendously before that will ever be an option.

I feel there is little genuine sympathy in the wider community for women who find themselves in violent relationships.

We talk the big talk about White Ribbon Day and ending the cycle of violence, but at the end of the day it's all too easy to turn the other cheek and pretend it's someone else's problem.

Unfortunately, doing just that means there will be many more names and stories that we will never get to know until it is too late.



Source: http://www.frasercoastchronicle.com.au/news/community-attitutes-towards-domestic-violence-need/1766255/

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